i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
