ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
