god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
