The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize