I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
