Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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