The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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