On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
