don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
