Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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