problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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