she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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