new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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