I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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