You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
