So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
