tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
And then he peed in my hair
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