And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
