I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
