Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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