she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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