I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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