i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
