Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
