Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
