I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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