Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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