Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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