All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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