so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
