grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
