I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
