Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
