You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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