she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
