You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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