Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
