honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
