I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
