Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
