i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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