"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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