You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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