Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
