the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
