The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
