Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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