I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
