We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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