As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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