make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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