Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
