i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
