Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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