thus making me awesome and them whores
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
