mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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