There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
