I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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