Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
