SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
