Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
