I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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