if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
