I have demons in me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
