i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
