The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
