Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
