Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!