ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can I color on your dick again?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.