I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
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Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread