Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there