Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.

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(330): View more from Ohio

giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.

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(360): View more from Washington

I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

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(303): View more from Colorado

She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(307): View more from Wyoming

When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!

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(208): View more from Idaho

Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.

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(707): View more from California

How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?

(1-707): View more from California

At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain

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