My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain