My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
