My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
